Noise in My Head

I tend to live in my head. As an enneagram 5, I gravitate toward thoughts, ideas, and reflection. I often don't really know how I feel. It takes effort for me to feel my feelings, rather than thinking about my feelings. I also minimize the signals from my body. If I'm tired, hungry, weepy, energetic--I often dismiss those messages. 

I need to start listening. And watching. And being.

My mind is so consumed with thoughts and analysis that I am turned inward. I may be thinking about external things, but the work is internal. This swirl of problems, plans, and possibilities deafens me to the moment. 

But I am getting better. I'm learning to take deep breaths and enjoy them. I'm noticing my far off thoughts that remove me from the moment. The weather last weekend was spectacular, especially for August. I enjoyed time outdoors, playing with the grandchildren, feeling grateful for the sun on my skin and the breeze in the trees. 

When there's too much noise in my head, I miss out on the love around me. God is constantly speaking through his creation and his creatures. He's revealing his gentle, powerful love. If I'm too busy, too preoccupied, I miss it. When I miss God's love, I'm really missing out. I'm missing out on life. That's no way to live.

Waiting

After Jesus died and was buried, the disciples had to be confused. They had followed this man for three years, and their whole lives were wrapped up in his ministry. He was such a young man, they surely expected to keep following his ministry for years.

But now he was gone. He had tried to prepare his followers for this moment, but they didn't get it. 

It was the Sabbath, so they could not travel far. They just waited. And they didn't really know what they were waiting for. Their lives had just been turned upside down.

Holy Saturday gives us the time to reflect on all the evil of this world. 

And Jesus can handle all the evil of this world. Just wait.

Friday

It is Good Friday.

Jesus refused to fight back. He let evil come at him with all its force. He was accused of crimes he never committed. He was betrayed by one of his best students. He was deserted by all his other followers. His mom looked on, powerless to help. People of his faith accused him of betraying the faith, or anything else that would stick. They took him to the occupying enemy, now accusing him of treason. In that court he was condemned by a judge who knew he was innocent. He was beaten and mocked.

He was given the death penalty.

Good Friday is the day of his defeat. 

Jesus absorbed all the evil this world could muster. And he turned it all around for good.

You washin' my feet???

In John 13 Jesus washes his disciples' feet. He shows that humble service is what the Father is looking for. He demonstrates that he came to serve, not to be served.

One by one the Lord washes his disciples' feet. When he comes to Peter, Peter protests that Jesus would never wash his feet. What was Peter thinking?

He might have been ashamed that the foot washing had not been done. This ritual was very common and part of normal hygiene. Typically a servant would handle this task. Since Peter had helped prepare the room for the meal, he might have felt embarrassed that he forgot to arrange for a foot washer.

He might have thought that he himself should have handled the washing, at least for his Master. He didn't want Jesus picking up his slack.

He may have been rejecting Jesus's style of leadership. All along Peter pushes against Jesus's plan to be mistreated and executed. Maybe Peter saw this menial task as something that a true leader would never stoop to do.

It's hard to say why Peter turned Jesus away. But when Jesus says, "Unless you let me wash your feet, you have no part with me," Peter quickly changes his mind, asking for a virtual bath. 

Our motives can be complex.

Silent Wednesday

The events of Holy Week are most clearly described in the Gospel According to Mark. And Mark doesn't have anything to say about Wednesday of the week. 

So on this silent day, we can take the time to reflect quietly on the whole barrage of activity on the other days. We do well to sit in the uncomfortable feeling of the impending doom for Jesus. We can reflect on our own failure to trust him and live in his power.

I realized just today that I need extra time these days just to sit and soak in the presence of Jesus. He helps me to be present and to listen to truth.

Real Authority

When Jesus arrived in the Temple courts on Tuesday of Holy Week, he ran into the religious authorities. The chief priests, the teachers of the law, and the elders came up to Jesus and began to question him. 

They ganged up on him to put him in his place. They had all the authority in the Temple, or so they thought. The chief priests ran the show. The teachers of the law knew the Bible inside and out. The elders were leaders among their people. Together they could expose this rogue preacher.

They demanded to know where Jesus got his authority. As for them, they could quickly show their own credentials. They had followed the protocol for being religious leaders, being selected as high priests, having studied at Jewish schools, and having taught in synagogues all around. The source of their authority was clear: their connections, education, and followers.

So where did Jesus get his authority? Jesus responded with a curveball. He asked them where John the Baptist got his authority. They could find no satisfactory answer to that question. Rather than acknowledging the truth, that John's baptism was from God, they considered the optics of the possible responses. If they said John was legit, then Jesus would call them out for not believing him. If they said he was not legit, they knew the crowds would be upset. 

It looks like the religious posse had no clue about the source of authority for John, Jesus, or themselves. All they could do was read the polls.

Real authority comes from God. Jesus had it, and didn't need to prove it.

Misusing Religion

On Monday of Holy Week, Jesus cleansed the Temple. He drove out the sacrificial animals for sale and turned over the tables of the money changers, who exchanged Roman coins for Jewish coins. 

Jesus declared that his Father's house should be a "house of prayer," but these people had turned it into a "den of robbers." 

It looks like the Passover Feast was prime time for cashing in on the religious faithful. People were using religion for unfair personal gain. Jesus did not like that.

He still doesn't like it. We can all point to some of "those people" who take advantage of religion as a way to line their pockets. But there are other ways to misuse religion. And it's not just those people.

Some use faith as a weapon to manipulate others.

Some hide from real life and stay too busy with church activities. 

Some let their politics rule their faith.

Some pay for ministers and missionaries to do faith for them. Then they don't have to feel guilty when their own faith is empty.

There are so many ways to misuse religion. Jesus comes to rescue us from our own hypocrisy. We all need some temple cleansing.