I believe there is no greater feeling of wholeness than the
feeling of belonging.
We can truly
thrive when we find a community in which we can be ourselves and know that we
will be loved.
Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree provides a metaphor for
us. Linus saw Charlie Brown’s bent-over Christmas
tree and realized that all it needed was a little love. With Linus’s blanket around it, the tree had
the support it needed to stand up straight.
With the help of friends, the tree would become beautiful. In one way or another, we are all broken and
straining at life. The community of Christian
faith is designed to help us overcome the hardships and hurts, so that we can
thrive.
Imagine the fellowship where people are truly glad to see
you, where you can let down your guard, where you can truly be yourself and
find yourself. Imagine a group of people
who have your back, but will get in your face and tell you the hard things you
need to hear. This is what the Lord
wants for his church, his body. We all
work together, each person fulfilling his or her unique role, and we build up
one another in the process. We give
special love to the parts of the body that need more attention.
Sometimes we are the sad little tree. Sometimes we are part of the encouraging
crowd, helping a brother or sister
become what God intends.
Surely everyone would like to be part of such a community. But such communities are far too rare. Of course our imperfections sabotage
meaningful, constructive relationships. People are selfish, proud, and greedy. Our sinful nature stands in the way of creating
and maintaining this kind of fellowship.
We need divine assistance.
As believers live in the power of the Holy Spirit, we can
work for genuine connectedness with our friends. It takes the work of God himself to achieve
true Christian fellowship. We cannot do
it in our own power. The foundation of
real fellowship among believers, then, is fellowship with God, through prayer and
the scriptures.
So, if we really want deeper, stronger community, what can
we do?
1. Forgive
There would be no spiritual life for anyone without
forgiveness. It is the foundation of our
relationship with God. Only through the
death and resurrection of Christ can we live.
We must continually receive the forgiveness of God, and freely offer
forgiveness to those who sin against us. Love covers a multitude of sins.
Forgiving has to be a regular habit for us.
2. Work hard to be real.
God constantly reveals to us our identity in Christ. He reminds us of our sinless perfection
purchased for us on the cross. He also shows
us our unique character as his special workmanship (Eph. 2:10). God wants us to become more and more what he
created us to be.
We need to stop pretending.
Typically we want people to think we are better than we are. Sadly, if people come to like us when we
pretend, then they develop a bond with a fake person. Even if we win (getting people to like us),
we lose because we cannot be authentic.
In community, our friends can help us recognize those things
that inspire us, encourage us and intrigue us.
They affirm us as we operate out of our strengths. They help us discover our true selves.
3. Communicate with each other on the basis of
truth.
We need to speak the truth in love, even when it is
difficult. When I’m acting like a jerk,
I need loving people in my life to correct me.
Similarly, when I see a friend making poor choices, I need the courage
to speak up.
A friend recently pulled me aside to ask me about something
I said. He had overheard me speaking of
a mutual friend who was not present, and it sounded like I was being critical. I admired his courage for addressing me
privately, sharing his concern. It
turned out that my statements had not been critical, but our friendship
deepened because he was willing to confront me.
4. Commit to work things out.
When we are truly
committed to biblical community, then we have the freedom to speak the truth in
love, knowing that the other party will listen and work for
reconciliation.
Too often we walk away from problems rather than dealing
with them. The difficult conversations
never happen, and relationships suffer. Usually
both parties miss the opportunity to grow, and fellowship becomes more and more
shallow.
5. Let people help you.
I find that most people are very willing to help others, but
balk at receiving help. We cannot give assistance
if no one will receive it. So, receiving
help is a vital part of building community.
It develops our sense of connection and allows us to share in each
others’ stories. It makes life more fun
when we bear each others’ burdens.
A friend recently turned down my wife’s and my offer to help
her move into a new apartment. On the
day after her move, we happened to have a conversation about the value of
giving and receiving help. Tired and
sore from the heavy lifting, she admitted that she probably could have used a
few extra hands. More importantly, she saw
the value of receiving help in building a spirit of fellowship.
6. Love others when they are hard to love.
We all go through times of discouragement and
confusion. Often we can’t think clearly
and make poor choices. During these
times, we really need each other. We need
others to help us interpret reality and understand our circumstances. We may become angry or withdrawn. Real friends stick with us in such times,
help us laugh, and remind us that we have what it takes to persevere.
Real community is very countercultural. We rarely see it in our world today. It’s messy.
Our feelings get hurt. We help when
it’s not convenient. We become
vulnerable. Our secrets come out. We get to be real. We don’t have to hide. We have nothing to hide. We become what God intends us to be. We grow more in the image of Christ. We experience genuine sorrows and joys. We live life on a deeper level.
God knows that we need each other. And he knows that we need his help to make it
work. It’s tough, painful work to
develop true community. But in this community,
we can truly live!
Be different. Positive changes inside of us translate into better
attitudes and more aggressive kindness.
