5 Ways to Make a Difference

Be different.  Positive changes inside of us translate into better attitudes and more aggressive kindness.

Get involved.  You already know that job that somebody needs to do.  Be the one to step up.

Speak up. You have a better idea.  Share it with kindness and humility.

Show up.  You can’t do everything, but you can do some things.  Support the events and efforts that resonate with you.

Pray.  Beg God to intervene.  Real change is God’s work.

Six Ways to Build Community

I believe there is no greater feeling of wholeness than the feeling of belonging.  We can truly thrive when we find a community in which we can be ourselves and know that we will be loved. 

Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree provides a metaphor for us.  Linus saw Charlie Brown’s bent-over Christmas tree and realized that all it needed was a little love.  With Linus’s blanket around it, the tree had the support it needed to stand up straight.  With the help of friends, the tree would become beautiful.  In one way or another, we are all broken and straining at life.  The community of Christian faith is designed to help us overcome the hardships and hurts, so that we can thrive.

Imagine the fellowship where people are truly glad to see you, where you can let down your guard, where you can truly be yourself and find yourself.  Imagine a group of people who have your back, but will get in your face and tell you the hard things you need to hear.  This is what the Lord wants for his church, his body.  We all work together, each person fulfilling his or her unique role, and we build up one another in the process.  We give special love to the parts of the body that need more attention.

Sometimes we are the sad little tree.  Sometimes we are part of the encouraging crowd, helping  a brother or sister become what God intends.

Surely everyone would like to be part of such a community.  But such communities are far too rare.  Of course our imperfections sabotage meaningful, constructive relationships. People are selfish, proud, and greedy.  Our sinful nature stands in the way of creating and maintaining this kind of fellowship.  We need divine assistance.

As believers live in the power of the Holy Spirit, we can work for genuine connectedness with our friends.  It takes the work of God himself to achieve true Christian fellowship.  We cannot do it in our own power.  The foundation of real fellowship among believers, then, is fellowship with God, through prayer and the scriptures.

So, if we really want deeper, stronger community, what can we do?

1.      Forgive

There would be no spiritual life for anyone without forgiveness.  It is the foundation of our relationship with God.  Only through the death and resurrection of Christ can we live.  We must continually receive the forgiveness of God, and freely offer forgiveness to those who sin against us.  Love covers a multitude of sins.

Forgiving has to be a regular habit for us.

2.      Work hard to be real.

God constantly reveals to us our identity in Christ.  He reminds us of our sinless perfection purchased for us on the cross.  He also shows us our unique character as his special workmanship (Eph. 2:10).  God wants us to become more and more what he created us to be.

We need to stop pretending.  Typically we want people to think we are better than we are.  Sadly, if people come to like us when we pretend, then they develop a bond with a fake person.  Even if we win (getting people to like us), we lose because we cannot be authentic. 

In community, our friends can help us recognize those things that inspire us, encourage us and intrigue us.  They affirm us as we operate out of our strengths.  They help us discover our true selves. 

3.      Communicate with each other on the basis of truth.

We need to speak the truth in love, even when it is difficult.  When I’m acting like a jerk, I need loving people in my life to correct me.  Similarly, when I see a friend making poor choices, I need the courage to speak up. 

A friend recently pulled me aside to ask me about something I said.  He had overheard me speaking of a mutual friend who was not present, and it sounded like I was being critical.  I admired his courage for addressing me privately, sharing his concern.  It turned out that my statements had not been critical, but our friendship deepened because he was willing to confront me.

4.      Commit to work things out.

When  we are truly committed to biblical community, then we have the freedom to speak the truth in love, knowing that the other party will listen and work for reconciliation. 

Too often we walk away from problems rather than dealing with them.  The difficult conversations never happen, and relationships suffer.  Usually both parties miss the opportunity to grow, and fellowship becomes more and more shallow. 

5.      Let people help you.

I find that most people are very willing to help others, but balk at receiving help.  We cannot give assistance if no one will receive it.  So, receiving help is a vital part of building community.  It develops our sense of connection and allows us to share in each others’ stories.  It makes life more fun when we bear each others’ burdens. 

A friend recently turned down my wife’s and my offer to help her move into a new apartment.  On the day after her move, we happened to have a conversation about the value of giving and receiving help.  Tired and sore from the heavy lifting, she admitted that she probably could have used a few extra hands.  More importantly, she saw the value of receiving help in building a spirit of fellowship.

6.      Love others when they are hard to love.

We all go through times of discouragement and confusion.  Often we can’t think clearly and make poor choices.  During these times, we really need each other.  We need others to help us interpret reality and understand our circumstances.  We may become angry or withdrawn.  Real friends stick with us in such times, help us laugh, and remind us that we have what it takes to persevere.

Real community is very countercultural.  We rarely see it in our world today.  It’s messy.  Our feelings get hurt.  We help when it’s not convenient.  We become vulnerable.  Our secrets come out.  We get to be real.  We don’t have to hide.  We have nothing to hide.  We become what God intends us to be.  We grow more in the image of Christ.  We experience genuine sorrows and joys.  We live life on a deeper level.

God knows that we need each other.  And he knows that we need his help to make it work.  It’s tough, painful work to develop true community.  But in this community, we can truly live!

You Can't Float Upstream

You never know what you are going to get when a dozen men take off for a weekend together in the name of Jesus.  Especially if their wives load the vehicles with gourmet meals, plus caffeine and sugar.

That’s what our men did last weekend.  We drove an hour, crossing the state line into Virginia, and spent the weekend at Fairy Stone State Park.  Obviously a real man’s hang out.  This group has roughed it before, but this time we had the palatial park lodge building, complete with actual beds, a full kitchen, gas logs, and three showers.  Just outside the front door sat the all important campfire circle.

The theme for our weekend was, “I can.  I Will.  I MUST!”  As we promoted the event, the slogan just sounded gimmicky to me.  But two men in our church, Keith Street and Guy Andrews, gathered us around the fire and helped us dive into the scriptures and come out as changed men.

We discovered that it is easy for us to believe in each other.  We see each others’ strengths, potential, and opportunities.  We know that these men have what it takes.  Naturally we can say with confidence, “You can do it!”  But we all need to learn that, “I can.”  I have what it takes.  We learned that believing in one another inspires us to believe in ourselves.  In Christ we can accomplish everything God calls us to do.  But we need the support, the encouragement, the help from our brothers.  One man said, “I never again have to do anything solo.”  We learned that I can, but we learned that we need each other in the process. 

Esau failed to value his birthright (Genesis 25:29-34) partly because he was alone.  Where were his hunting partners?  They could have warned Esau against the foolish bargain.  Why were the two twins apparent enemies?  They were living in isolation, not community.  Their stories would have been entirely different if they had loved and supported one another.  Through community, we realize that we really can do what God has equipped us to do.  It takes faith to believe that God can use us to accomplish big things.

Learning to say I can energizes us with the possibilities.  For some, that energy of imagining captivates our minds, and we get stuck there.  I can becomes I could if would.  Ever since Adam watched the serpent deceive his wife, men have tended toward passivity.  We sit back and let life happen to us.  Sinful human nature makes it real easy.

But we have to move beyond the possibilities of I can to the determination of I will.  When we believe that we have what it takes, we have the courage to step up and make something happen.  We make commitments to ourselves, and ask our brothers to hold us accountable. 

We invoked the wisdom of Yoda on this.  One man around the fire challenged a teenager to try to pick up a chair.  The teen cooperatively stood and picked up his empty chair.  “No,” the man said, “You picked it up.  I said try to pick it up, not pick it up.”  Suddenly Yoda’s words made sense to me.  “Either do or do not.  There is no ‘try.’”

God calls us to be men of action.  He wants us to swim upstream, to go against the flow, to do the difficult things.  Our retreat leader reminded us that you can’t float upstream.  It takes effort, will, action, and engagement to achieve anything valuable.  Many of us have been floating, and only dreaming of going upstream.  This was our wake up call.  The opposite of passive is active.  We are called to action.

Finally we tackled I MUST!  Once we believe we can, and take action, God reveals to us our calling.  “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for us to do”  (Ephesians 2:10).  Once we are moved to action, we can pursue those good works, and follow God’s leadership into his purpose for our lives.

Our men are different now.  A good different.  We email and call each other more.  We pray together more.  We ask about the things that matter more.  We work less on hiding and more on connecting.  We are leading better in our families.  We are experiencing the presence and power of the Holy Spirit.  It’s only been five days, but by God’s grace we will never go back to passivity.

I would say that my life was changed by a slogan.  But really my life is changed by the Spirit of God, and he does his work as I share my life with friends. 

Adrenaline Check

Got adrenaline?  Of course you do.  We all do.  It’s part of the human condition.  We get in stressful situations (take a deep breath), and the “fight or flight” mode kicks in. 

So, where does your adrenaline come from?  Broadly speaking, it comes from fear or adventure.  Consider Peter’s body chemistry when he saw Jesus walking on the water.  (Matthew 14:22-33)  Like the other disciples, he probably was afraid of this mysterious figure approaching in the dark, on the water, in the wind.  A surge of adrenaline.

When the shadowy figure speaks, Peter suspects it really is Jesus.  “Lord, if it’s you,” he calls out, “tell me to come to you on the water.”  The adrenaline is still pumping, but Peter is changing his perspective.  Now he is operating out of adventure, rather than fear.  He chooses to trust Jesus.

He steps on the lake, walking to the Lord.  What a rush!  He is doing the miraculous, just like Jesus!  But with another look at the wind and waves, he has another thought.  Uh-oh.  His reality check reminds him of … reality.  This is impossible.  Duh.

He has a change of heart, a harmful one.  He goes from fight to flight.  He goes from adventure to fear.  He panics. 

Nothing about his situation changes.  Only his interpretation of his situation changes.  He begins to sink.

So, where does your adrenaline come from?  Is the source a threat or an exciting opportunity?  It depends on how you see it.  And how you see it determines your success. 

When we see with eyes of faith, we see the real reality.  When we trust Jesus, the threats become opportunities.  That adrenaline feels good.  It empowers us to live by faith, trusting Jesus, doing the miraculous.

And Jesus is there to take our hands whenever we start to sink.

My Top Ten Bold Moves

Here are the Top Ten boldest things I’ve ever done (that I can think of right now).

10.  Dash through the Rome airport, looking for my family who were still outside, where I should have been (bold and stupid)

9.  Speak with (I hope) some authority to a roomful of home schooling parents

8.  Sign up for and compete in two triathlons

7.  Volunteer to go on a mission trip to Brazil as a college student

6.  Take over operations of my family farm

5.  Shop at the Coronation Market in Kingston, Jamaica

4.  Respond productively to criticism

3.  Witness to people in Irish Pen ghetto in Spanish Town, Jamaica

2.  Quit a steady job to start a church

1.     Lay everything in my life “on the table” before Jesus

 

The older I get, the bolder I get.  At least that's how I want to live.  I'll be adding a lot of items to my list, if I have truly done the #1 bold move. 

 

What's on your list?

Triathlon 2

Having done two triathlons now, I feel like a genuine triathlete.  This race takes place at Belews Lake, not far from my home.  It’s a sprint event—like I could actually sprint through the thing.  It begins with a 750 meter swim. That’s almost half a mile.  Then the bike course takes you on a 14.5 mile journey along lovely rural Stokesdale roads, before a quick 5k run at the end.  Everything begins uphill, except for the swim.  Everything ends downhill, except for the swim, which concludes uphill on the algae-slick boat ramp, threatening embarrassment and race-ending injury.

So that’s the course. 

Now, last year was a fiasco, embarrassing even for a wannabe.  My classification was “Master Clydesdale.”  That sounded really cool.  But my time wasn’t so hot.  I finished the race with the second slowest time of the entire field.  The race has a timed start, meaning that there is no mass of humanity splashing and churning at the start, fighting for breath and life.  No, this kinder, gentler start has two athletes diving in every 15 seconds.  The staggered start means that the first one across the finish line is not necessarily the winner.  Similarly, the last one across the line may not be the real loser.  Well, in 2011, they were closing down the course while I was still “running.”  I provided a sense of relief to the staff, as I crossed the finish line, and I enjoyed a significant sense of accomplishment.  There were a few of runners behind me, so I had hopes that my race time might place me in respectable position.

Mercifully, I did not know how poorly I compared until I saw the results later, on line.  I quickly remembered that I had an excuse—my bicycle.  This mountain bike was never intended to speed along lovely rural roads.  It was made for jumping roots and puddles.  The racing bike I had borrowed developed a flat tire about 12 hours before the race; so I was stuck with my fat-tired, 20 pound two-wheeler.

And there was another issue—I had not trained well enough.  I discovered this problem while panting for breath, barely 3 minutes into the event, staying afloat with the elementary backstroke.  The spotters in kayaks leaned over, ready to save me from drowning, asking me if I were OK.  I survived all 750 meters with no help, but I was a whipped pup with 17.7 miles to go.  On the next leg people passed me like a kid on a trike.  One woman expressed sympathy for me and my equipment.  When it was time to run, I ended up walking a whole lot.  But I did cross the finish line, hearing my name and age announced to the few remaining spectators.  Time:  2:16:46.

So, the stage was set for my heroic attempt this year.  I have been doing more training, especially cardio workouts, more strength training, and more serious swimming.  I also bought a refurbished road bike, just for the occasion. 

I signed up as a novice (no more Master Clydesdale), so my start time was near the end.  That way I could do most of the passing for a change, a clever tactic recommended by my runner friend Ed.  I aired up my tires to 110 pounds of pressure.  I got all my gear ready for my transitions.



Finishing the swim uphill, past the algae.  Photo by Sarah Bailey

At the bike racks next to me was another 50-year-old doing his first triathlon.  I gave him a few pointers, as if I were a seasoned pro.  He appreciated it so much that he beat me in the race—but only by a couple of minutes.  I smoked him in the swim, and then he passed me at mile 1 of the 5k.  That’s when I slowed down to a walk for a few hundred yards.  I never did catch up with him.

As I gave up hope of passing him, I remembered that I really wanted to finish under two hours.  I imagined the devastation of missing that goal by a minute or two.  With no watch to guide me, I decided to push as hard as I could, running downhill for that last half mile.

The announcer called out my name, age and hometown as I ran across the finish line.  The event clock there told me that I had come in well below two hours.  I felt good, in a sweaty, worn out way.  My wife and daughter greeted me and brought me some water.  I found my new triathlon friend and congratulated him in an accusing sort of way.

I finished at 1:53:49.  Yes!

I’m not real sure why I ran this race.  But I do know that some children around the world will benefit.  I got a few sponsors to donate to World Vision, to help with education, to buy chickens, and to support orphans.

Yep.  It was worth it.

Being Bold

This Sunday we begin a new series, "Be Bold!" 

So often our lives are just...vanilla.  We don't really expect much -- from God, from life, from work, from family, from ourselves.  And we usually get what we expect.

In Acts we see some bold disciples who really expected God to do what he said.  They believed that Jesus is the Way.  They knew that all the world needed to hear.  They wanted to share the good news everywhere they went.  For them, life was all about Jesus.

So, they were bold in their prayer, generosity, witness, speech, travel and obedience.

I'm ready to be bold!