Going There

One of my favorite YouTube videos is Bob Newhart's sketch, "Stop it."  It's a riot.  Bob's a shrink, and he's counselling one of his clients.  When she starts to blame her problems on childhood experiences, Bob quickly interrupts her, saying, "No.  We don't go there."  She could not blame anything on her past.  Bob didn't want to "go there" with her.

There are places in our souls where we just don't want to go:  Missed opportunities, bad decisions, hurts we experienced, hurts we caused, addictions we deny, conversations we need to have, regrets about parenting, habits we need to change, attitudes that damage relationships, and the list goes on.

We don't want to go there because:

• It hurts.  We don't want to experience or relive the pain.
• It won't do any good.  We believe that forgetting, not dealing with it, makes it go away.
• We might have to change.  If I go there, I will have to admit my sin.  Then I'll either feel guilty or have to make the change that I so dread.
• It will strain my relationships.  Going there means having a difficult conversation, and I have no idea how that will turn out.
• We are ashamed.  If I keep denying this problem, I don't have to face my shame.
• People will think badly of me.  I've worked so hard to build this identity, and if I go there, it will change me.  People will be disappointed.  They won't like me anymore.
• We are not ready.  Deep down I know that I'm not authentic.  But I like this pose.  It's working so far..

There are some advantages to going there.

• You can stop pretending.
• You can stop hiding.  You have been discovered.  And it's okay.
• You will find some company.  Whatever you are dealing with, you are not the only one.  Some are hiding it, just like you.  Others have already gone there and lived to tell about it.
• You are set free.  Whatever is there has been mocking you, holding you captive, stealing your joy.  When you face that thing, it loses power over you.  You are free!  You don't have to worry about being caught, because you have turned yourself in.
• Life looks brand new.  When you have been there, life has nothing to threaten you with.  And life was never really threatening you anyway.  You just didn't know it.

Are you ready to go there?  Here are some parting suggestions.

• Pray.  You can't go there alone.  You need Jesus holding your hand. 
• Receive God's forgiveness.  Jesus died on the cross for your sin.  You can only really be free when he takes your sin and guilt away.  He paid your penalty for you.
• Forgive yourself.  That may be really hard.  But it is your path to freedom.  No, you don't deserve it.  That's the point:  Jesus gives you what you don't deserve.  That's how good he is!
• Be patient.  Really going there may be a process for you.  Keep working through it.

Shalom.

Til Boredom Do We Part

#marriage
I heard a friend recently quote one of his young coworkers saying, "Yeah, he looks like maybe my first divorce."  The young woman was speaking of a young man to whom she was somewhat attracted.  She thought she could be married to him for a while, but she did not think she could grow old with him.

The comment is startling to me, because marriage apparently seems disposable to her.  I'm sure she reflects a trend in American thought.  I believe it is better to be married than to cohabitate.  But I also think marriage should be a permanent relationship.  This young woman might ask me if I would prefer she just live with a boyfriend rather than marry and later divorce him.  Uh, neither of those is really a good idea.

And I'm not just speaking in terms of personal preference.  I believe that, as our Creator, God has made us so that one sexual arrangement is actually better for us.  In his word he has shared with us what that arrangement is.  Those relationships are better for us as a society and as individuals.

In today's culture, many prefer to chart their own paths for sexual expression and fulfillment.  I believe some intentionally rebel against the pattern God endorses, just to show God who is boss.  The world system feels obligated to celebrate these lifestyles and ignore their negative consequences.

If we can just persuade enough people that permanent marriage is a relic of anthropology, then the world will be a better place.  Any sexual expression is okay, as long as adults consent.  Everybody chases fulfillment as they see fit. 

Society is launching into this grand experiment with human culture and sexuality.  We are only beginning to see where it will take us.

Everything You've Worked For

I recently heard a commercial for a financial advisor firm, urging listeners to be careful with their retirement savings.  (Of course they are the ones who can really take care of your money.)  The announcer described the tragedy of being careless with "everything you've worked for."

Obviously he is talking about financial investments, but the real tragedy would be spending all of one's life working only for money.  If everything I have worked for has a price tag, I am the poorest of men.  I hope that my retirement savings ranks near the bottom of the things I have worked for.

All of the material things in life will disappear.  Only relationships will last forever.  That's what I want to be working for.