Anxiety: My Worry Box

I have found it. And I have opened it. It was scary. But that has changed everything.

You see, I have this imaginary box. In it I keep all manner of scary things, things that promise me harm. It throbs with foreboding. It rumbles. It keeps calling out to me with veiled threats.

So what is in this box? In general terms, this box contains things that will harm me unless I do something. Maybe I need to save money, fix something, do maintenance, have a difficult conversation, get disciplined, get specific direction from God, read a book, follow up with someone, plan something.

This box holds all those things that steal my joy. I know they are in there, but I dare not open the box. I could never cope with the crushing weight of so many problems and situations crying out for action. I keep the lid on the box, knowing that's the only way I can be safe. I preserve myself by ignoring the box, hoping it will just go away. Or at least be quiet for a while.

It's like the monster under the bed. Its existence haunts me. It rules my soul. Sounds from within it get my attention. It reminds me that I certainly must be scared. Now. I dare not let my guard down. I could not handle the catastrophe that would ensue. I would surely die, or be broke, or friendless, unemployed, miserable, a failure, humiliated, worthless.

Even when I deal with one of the items, I merely crack the box open enough to pull it out, refusing to look at the countless other burdens preying on my mind.

But now, with some considerable courage, I have dared to recognize this box for what it is. It is a huge deception, a bluff. When I do look in the box to see all those menacing problems, I realize that there is very little substance there. I look at the problems one by one and see that they are mostly empty. At worst they are complicated, but never unmanageable. Almost always they are no actual threat to me. When a truly unmanageable problem arises, I can trust that God is already handling it.

"He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." Psalm 112:7.

Now I can laugh at the box. I can experience real joy. I can face those things that threatened me. I can stop putting off the tasks that I dread. They will not crush me.

What a relief!

What's in your box?

Something is Wrong

We all knew it was coming. We knew there would be another shooting. At a school. Or a church. Or a concert. Or a nightclub. Or a post office. It was just a matter of time.

Sure, we are shocked. But are we surprised? This is just the world we live in. And the country we live in. What shocked me most was the number of school shootings this year. The year is barely six weeks old, and there have been eight school shootings resulting in death or injury in 2018. Eight.

Here we go again with the politics. We need more gun laws. We need better law enforcement. we need metal detectors…everywhere. We need more vigilance to catch unstable people. We need counselors to help troubled youth and troubled adults. We need to spend money on…something. But this is just the surface of the problem. There is something deeper.

Something is wrong.

Has there ever been a society in which innocent people were routinely targeted by member of that society? What leads people to be so depressed, angry, lonely, rejected, despondent, frustrated that they plot and carry out mass murder?

Something is wrong with the soul.

Too many people fail to see the value of human beings—others and themselves. Too many people have no hope. The mass shootings are only one example of the flagging American soul. The #MeToo movement reaches back decades with disturbing stories of abuse. Men have been objectifying and mistreating women for more than a generation. The rabid support for abortion in some circles stuns me. Laws must allow women to choose whether or not their fetus is a baby. It will have rights if I say it does.

Our society has been heading down this path for quite some time. It is not a problem of laws or politics or funding. 

Something is wrong with the soul of America.

Somehow we have strayed from the belief that “all men are created equal.” Along the way we have forgotten that “all men” includes Native Americans and Africans. It also includes all of mankind, not just the males. We have also forgotten that these equally created persons are all “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights.”

In other words, we have forgotten that people matter. We so personalize our own rights that we forget the value of others. Our selfishness becomes magnified when we find likeminded people and stop listening to dissenting points of view. People who disagree with us are just stupid. Maybe they don’t deserve to live. The world would be better off without them. We can “otherize” people very effectively. Ask any hate group. 

The soul of America needs compassion, hope, forgiveness, love, justice, redemption. Our country needs the Good News.

God help us.

Going There

One of my favorite YouTube videos is Bob Newhart's sketch, "Stop it."  It's a riot.  Bob's a shrink, and he's counselling one of his clients.  When she starts to blame her problems on childhood experiences, Bob quickly interrupts her, saying, "No.  We don't go there."  She could not blame anything on her past.  Bob didn't want to "go there" with her.

There are places in our souls where we just don't want to go:  Missed opportunities, bad decisions, hurts we experienced, hurts we caused, addictions we deny, conversations we need to have, regrets about parenting, habits we need to change, attitudes that damage relationships, and the list goes on.

We don't want to go there because:

• It hurts.  We don't want to experience or relive the pain.
• It won't do any good.  We believe that forgetting, not dealing with it, makes it go away.
• We might have to change.  If I go there, I will have to admit my sin.  Then I'll either feel guilty or have to make the change that I so dread.
• It will strain my relationships.  Going there means having a difficult conversation, and I have no idea how that will turn out.
• We are ashamed.  If I keep denying this problem, I don't have to face my shame.
• People will think badly of me.  I've worked so hard to build this identity, and if I go there, it will change me.  People will be disappointed.  They won't like me anymore.
• We are not ready.  Deep down I know that I'm not authentic.  But I like this pose.  It's working so far..

There are some advantages to going there.

• You can stop pretending.
• You can stop hiding.  You have been discovered.  And it's okay.
• You will find some company.  Whatever you are dealing with, you are not the only one.  Some are hiding it, just like you.  Others have already gone there and lived to tell about it.
• You are set free.  Whatever is there has been mocking you, holding you captive, stealing your joy.  When you face that thing, it loses power over you.  You are free!  You don't have to worry about being caught, because you have turned yourself in.
• Life looks brand new.  When you have been there, life has nothing to threaten you with.  And life was never really threatening you anyway.  You just didn't know it.

Are you ready to go there?  Here are some parting suggestions.

• Pray.  You can't go there alone.  You need Jesus holding your hand. 
• Receive God's forgiveness.  Jesus died on the cross for your sin.  You can only really be free when he takes your sin and guilt away.  He paid your penalty for you.
• Forgive yourself.  That may be really hard.  But it is your path to freedom.  No, you don't deserve it.  That's the point:  Jesus gives you what you don't deserve.  That's how good he is!
• Be patient.  Really going there may be a process for you.  Keep working through it.

Shalom.

Jesus One on One

Jesus encounters people personally.  He meets us where we are, in our confusion, in our sin, in our doubt.  He loves us powerfully.

So Jesus shows us how to minister.  It takes a personal touch.  It takes one-on-one time.  It takes listening.  It requires presence.  Our ministry in Uganda last month was primarily one of relationship and presence.  We listened.  We hugged.  We helped.  We learned.  We experienced. 

We experienced the power of relationship. 

Jesus shared life personally.  We find this throughout the Gospel of John.  In nearly every chapter, Jesus has conversations with individuals, piquing their interest, answering their questions, or coming to their defense.

There is power in personal relationship.  Jesus did preach to the masses, but he also cared about people individually.  He took time to listen, to engage with people.  He answered difficult questions and probed deeply into people's hearts.

"Jesus One on One" is the new Sunday morning series at Crossroads beginning this Sunday.  Each week we will see how Jesus took time with people personally to bring them into relationship with himself.  If we want to make a lasting difference, it will have to be done through relationship.

May 17  Personal Persuasion
Jesus gets Nathanael's attention because Jesus knows where Nathanael has been.

May 24  Questioning Authority
Nicodemus, a man of religious authority seeks to understand who Jesus is.

May 31  Quenching Thirst
Jesus helps a foreign woman understand the real thirst of life.

June 7  Healing for the Hopeless
Jesus reaches out to a crippled man, healing him and giving him hope.

June 14  Life-Changing Mercy
When people want to condemn a woman caught in adultery, Jesus shows her mercy and encourages her to stop sinning.

June 21  Insight on Sight
Jesus' disciples notice a man who has been blind all his life.  They raise theological questions about his plight, but Jesus shows him compassion and heals him.

June 28  Something for Everyone
After Jesus' friend Lazarus dies, the man's sisters question Jesus' friendship.  He shows each woman the kind of compassion she needs.

July 5  Divine Gratitude
Jesus appreciates Mary's extravagance as she honors him by anointing him.

July 12  Compassion in Persecution
A soldier who has come to arrest Jesus is wounded, and Jesus heals him.

July 19  A Son's Concern
Jesus cares about his mother's welfare, even as he dies on the cross.

July 26  The Surprise of Life
Jesus meets Mary Magdalene after his resurrection, giving her the surprise of life.

The Power of Confession

I have a confession to make.  I have been way too slack about confessing my sins to God.  I have taken for granted that Jesus died on the cross for me, that I have received his gift of forgiveness, and that my sins are all gone.  That is all true.  But I can't take it for granted.  I need to confess my sins.  In my daily time with Jesus, I need to make sure that I acknowledge specifically how I need to repent.

I have often noticed a distance from the Lord, like my relationship with him is just flat.  As I am reading through Tim Keller's book on prayer, I obviously came across the importance of confession.  Oh yeah.  I need to do that.  Not just because I am supposed to, but because I need the life that comes from openly, specifically agreeing with God about my sin.

I began listing my sin.  It's worse than I thought.  Realizing one sin helps me realize another.  I'm not wallowing in woe-is-me depression.  I'm just seeing that addressing these areas of "missing the mark" will help me live more like God wants me to.  Duh.

Confession brings life.  Wow!

Pastor Suicide

Every time I hear about a pastor committing suicide, a chill goes down my spine.  I see the irony--that a spiritual leader under the authority and grace of Christ would choose to end his own life--but I know there is more to it.  Just last Friday a fellow pastor in Guilford County, Robert McKeehan of Community Bible Church in High Point, took his life. I never met him, but I grieve and pray for his family and his fellowship.  I know very little about his ministry or his personal life, but this occasion has caused me to reflect.

Of course people of all walks of life choose to end their own lives.  Yet pastors, we believe, should somehow be exceptions.  I have not looked up any statistics to see if the rate of suicide is any higher or lower among pastors than the general population.  That's almost beside the point.

What would contribute to suicide among the shepherds of the church?

There are some pastors who enter ministry as a self-help endeavor.  Because they are messed up socially, emotionally, spiritually, they enter a profession in which those difficulties are addressed.  Professional growth yields personal growth, and they triumph over the demons of their lives.  I'm certain that happens many times.  Sometimes it doesn't.  We--humans--all have our demons.

Some pastors expect too much of themselves.  We expect perfection in ourselves, while real perfection only comes in Christ.  We take personal failures personally.  We take professional failures personally.  We essentially fail to apply the gospel to our own lives.  We know that God takes the mistakes of others and turns them around for good.  But somehow we can't look in the mirror and say the same thing.

And then, today's church culture expects a lot from pastors.  With a few clicks, parishioners can hear the best sermons from the best pastors around the world.  Local pastors feel the pressure to be just as deep, relevant, personal, missional, humorous, insightful, applicable, delightful.  On some occasions we may actually have a real winner of a sermon.  Next week it will be better.  And even better the next week.  Then we serve the reputation of good preaching instead of serving Jesus.  And eventually it crashes somehow.  Rarely does a  prominent pastor make it through his career without some sort of notable sinful failure.  At least it seems that way.

Pride tells us that we can be just as good as the famous preachers, and so we strive for that.  Of course we want excellence.  We push ourselves.  And parishioners cheer us on.  Sometimes literally.  We harness social media, purely to get out our message--certainly not to fuel our own egos.

Much of this we can accomplish with our own strength and resources.  We know how to market.  We know what sells.  We know that we can explain Jesus.  We know that people need forgiveness.  And so we tell the truth and ask for commitment.  We encourage people to respond, in some cases to the point of manipulation.

What I find lacking here is the power of God.  So much of ministry is done in purely human strength with token prayer.  We pastors know we lack the power, so we use human means to accomplish spiritual ends. Sadly, sometimes it works.  It looks good.  And it feels good.

But God's power reigns supreme in the stories of the New Testament.  Preachers tell about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus in a few sentences, and the power of God comes upon the listeners.  People surrender to Christ.  There is no manipulation, no arm twisting, no guilt tripping.

Today when the simple presentation of the good news of Jesus fails to produce results, we pastors assume that we are not trying hard enough, that we are not clever enough, likable enough, relevant enough, techie enough.  We assume that it is all about us.  Wrong.  That perspective is wrong.  It short circuits the power of God.  It causes us to feel like failures and blame God.  Then we use more worldly means to do spiritual work.  We see how contradictory that is, and feel the incongruity in our souls.

Sometimes we quit ministry.  Sometimes we have affairs.  Sometimes we feed addictions.  Sometimes we stay in ministry and rot from within.  Sometimes we end it all.

And then sometimes we allow God to break through as we break down.  We see that it is not all about us.  We believe Jesus when he says that his yoke is easy and his burden is light.  We come apart under the gracious hand of our severe and tender God.  We let go.  We weep.
 We stop bearing the weight of our dozens or thousands of parishioners.  We let God be God.  We come to him for our self-understanding.  We believe him when he says that he loves us as we are.  We believe that the cross of Jesus is all we need.  We live the life of the resurrection.  We experience release, forgiveness and deep-down joy.  We stop preaching to prove ourselves.  We take time off.  We let chips fall.  We get to know Jesus.  He fills us with his power.  Life becomes good.  We live the gospel.  We don't have to be super-pastors.  We don't want to be super-pastors.

Then the power of God flows.  The kingdom of God grows.  We live what we preach, that it is all about Jesus.  We fall to our knees.

Crystallized Peace

It began to snow at my house about 1 p.m. today.  They say we may get over 8 inches.

Now I sit in my house, reading, writing, watching, praying.  Through every window, I watch powdered peace falling.  I am privileged beyond measure.  I have had today's meetings, fetched the last necessities, and now I sit in peace.

God chose to make precipitation beautiful.  Thanks be to God.  When these rare snows arrive, life's busyness comes to a halt.  No one expects anyone to go anywhere or do anything.

We can take a deep breath and just be.  We have permission to be still.  We have time to listen.  We remember that there are things--however few--over which we have absolutely no control.  Through nature, God puts us in our place.

Be still and know that he is God.