Choose your battles. Don’t order kids to do something unless you
really mean it. Think about it. If something bothers you, is that your
problem or the kid’s problem? Can you
enforce your request? Once you put down
the order, be prepared to go to the mat.
Win your battles. Have a plan for enforcement in mind. What are you going to do if Johnny won’t stop
running around the couch? In some cases,
all you need to do is gently stop the offensive behavior. There’s a reason that God made parents bigger
than children. In other cases, you may
need to stop the kid and punish her. If
your kids learn that you don’t mean it when you give instructions, they lose
respect for you. And eventually, you
lose control of your kids.
Give boundaries. Kids like to know that you are in control,
and they count on you to set the boundaries.
Without boundaries, they feel abandoned, believing that no one will stop
them from harmful behavior. One of the
great parent tools is the phrase, “That’s enough.” Translation:
“That behavior is not purely evil, but you can’t keep doing it, because
it is getting on my nerves.” A corollary
phrase is, “Two more times, and that will be enough.” The structure of bed time, meal time,
sharing, and physical protection expresses love to a child.
Pay now, not later. It is tough to make children behave. Constantly enforcing the rules is anything
but convenient. If they don’t obey when
they are small, they will certainly not obey when they are older. The older they get, the higher are the stakes
for their decisions. A rebellious 14-year-old
gets in much worse trouble than a rebellious 4-year-old. Make them behave and eventually (maybe after
their own kids are born), they will thank you for it.
Parenting is lots of fun when you enjoy your kids. If you don’t enjoy being with them, you have
to wonder who does….
